ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
