guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
