I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
