The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
