I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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