In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So many bounce houses so little time
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
