just come out here and I will go home with you...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
