U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
