Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
