i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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