My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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