she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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