Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Life is so much better after having sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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