thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
