she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
