Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
