dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
