I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
