Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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