We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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