just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
