I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
