I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
