I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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