he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
