there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
