i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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