I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
