take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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