I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
