That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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