So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
