My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
