hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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