Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
