the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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