I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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