i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
