The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
