please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
