Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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