remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
