I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
