His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I looked at my own cervix.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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