Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
