oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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