your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
