apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
