i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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