yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
