my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
