Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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