she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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